Waiting.

Standard

I’m not sure if I like seeing someone/talking to someone. And I mean like more than just harmless flirting. It’s been a while since I’ve actually invested time into someone.

After meeting a crap ton of crappy guys, a girl knows when to try and when not to. When to be reckless and stupid and when to be patient and smart.

But I also forgot about the nervousness, waiting for texts, the “where are they, what are doing?” questions, the constant need to know more about them.
God I kind of liked it better when I already knew things about the guy (so clearly someone like my ex) but I don’t like any of these feelings at all.

I understand that I did date my ex when I had a younger mentality but even then I didn’t have much of the teenage girl dream that our relationship was going to last forever. But when we were flirting I was the one who would freak out over one text, or that it took him hours to reply. I tried not to care, I really did but it did affect me.

As we did start dating I began to get comfortable and didn’t worry when it did take him hours to reply, or even didn’t, but I guess it was also because I was falling out of it.

So after my ex it’s been over 6 months, and it’s not like I didn’t anyone, it’s just that I didn’t meet anyone that I would’ve liked or to say I didn’t like. And when I don’t like a guy it’s really hard for me to maintain some sort of conversation.

And when there were guys who liked me and was texting/talking to me, I WAS THE SHITTIEST PERSON. I took forever to reply. After my ex I became the absolute worst texter ever, even with my friends. If I felt there was nothing to say, I just didn’t.

As of right now how I feel about waiting for texts etc. has toned itself in comparison to how I dealt with it with my ex, but it is still something that effects. That high school that freaks out and I hate it!
I wish I could not freak out about it, but I still do.

Just why? ):

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