A T(ex)t.

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Finally receiving a text after a week was the result of the unannounced presence of Tinder guy’s ex girlfriend. He decided to not voice what the hell was happening in his life.

Which obviously boosted my ego.
Fucker.

So finally he apologized for not saying anything, told me it wasn’t my fault, doesn’t know what is happening in his life, doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t want to see anyone, BUT he did ask for coffee. That’s a plus. Right? (The angry sarcasm is very real today)

So I accepted the coffee invite, I mean what else am I suppose to say. I genuinely hate being held in the dark and FINALLY he’s owning up to the shit that’s happening in his life. Good.

I do have to say I am a little upset, I’ve come to accept the fact that I don’t like guys

1. who are my age 
&
2. who are attending school

Great rules right. Ugh. Anyways I don’t think I even have to mention that I hate his ex. Well strongly dislike her. But when the coffee date is set it’s basically goodbye.

I can rant for so much longer but I’m legit trying to just get over this at this point already. 

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Regrets. Regrets. Regrets.

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Clearly it’s been just a shitty week. After everything that has happened. I had to go and get drunk on a Monday night and officially have my one night stand. Sorry bestie, didn’t know it was going to happen, so I couldn’t bring my “One Night Stand Kit” with me.

I actually was suppose to go out with my bestie to grab dinner (In Tinder Guy’s area) since it’s a little out of town. But turns out the place is fucking closed on Mondays. Just why. Why?

So we decide to grab wings and beer because we were starving. We sit down, and it was a good time. Though me and my bestie take forever to leave since we sit there and talk. So the exceptionally close table beside us of two males finally leave and they bring in the next two customers. Which happens to be my friend’s EX BOYFRIEND with his FIRST DATE.

Let me repeat. He was having his first date with his ex girlfriend sitting LESS THAN A METER AWAY FROM HIM. I died. My bestie hated me for the rest of the night. We got snippets of their conversation, which was terribleehh by the way. But none the less a good pick me up.

So after dinner my bestie runs home to study for her mid-terms and since I have a much easier load I had nothing to worry about. And so I think it’s a great idea to message this guy I knew for a day to go out with me. Why? You ask. I do not know. Fuck I wish I knew.

And thus I go over to his place, drink some more. Head to the club, drink so more. Puke a little because I clearly drank too much. Head back to my place, where we couldn’t fuck because no one had a condom. Yay. Since my clothes were already off, I decided to throw on my trench over my bare body and shove all the clothes I would’ve needed for the morning of, in a bag and we walk over to his place. Obviously there, he couldn’t launch his rocket.

So somehow in my right mind, instead of leaving I just slept at his place. Again don’t ask me why I thought this was okay. Then first thing I get waken up to is this guy beside me, trying to turn me on. Let’s just say he does, 1 minute for that, 10 seconds to grab the condom and put it on, another minute for the deed to be done and bam. Done. He got up and ran off to the bathroom while I had some time to question what the fuck I just did.

I got up and did what I had to do and literally threw on my coat again and tried to say the easiest thing I could possibly say to get out of there. And even now I’m sighing with regret.

Ugh.

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Okay straight up. It’s been weeeeeks since the incident with Tinder Guy. And then afterwards I have yet to see him. Oh but don’t worry! We’ve still been texting…until his phone fucked up. Too coincidental?

So for the first week we were messaging back on tinder again very sporadically. Which was whatever too me because the first week he was busy doing things with his friends for his birthday and he offered to squeeze in an hour but I turned him down. Who ever wants to be squeezed in. Jeez.

Then second week. Anime north. Okay let that go too. I think at this point he actually got a phone so we went back to texting. BUT. His texting was still as shit as Tinder messaging. So fuck me right? Right.

Now its like the third week of not seeing him and I tried to be nonchalant and not bring up seeing each other but I couldn’t keep talking to this if this wasn’t moving forward. Why waste the time. And so I just finally asked “hey will I ever see you?” Then after a couple days of waiting I get back a message bitching about how his phone sucks, and he doesn’t reply much. Okay sure. He also replies “Yes you will see me”

No answer to when or where but Yes that’s it. The topic switches to the current what are you doing shit. Maybe two days of just normal conversation when I mention that I’ll be around his area on the Friday. He goes, “what really, I’m working all day and I have work the next day too”
And this is where I kind of snap and say “When am I going to see you? I may be in your area again on Tuesday for dinner(this was my salvage message) and lastly “but you’re so damn busy. I give up.” And he says that working two jobs in taxing. I understand my Father is in the same line of work. I see this everyday BUT some effort would be nice. Or at least verbal affirmation of ‘hey kind of busy this week with work, maybe something next week’ Isn’t that better than absolutely nothing.

I just agreed with him and then for some stupid reason I decided to text the next day (the Saturday) if he was busy next week. It’s been 5 days with no reply. So I officially give up. Because what more can one do when they have too much pride and doesn’t want to risk anymore.

Fireflies.

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We were running through what seemed to be the forest. I didn’t know who I was with, but I saw a girl. Thin, frail, nothing like me. Her long hair was getting caught between the branches; she was covered in splinters and scratches, but I figured with the adrenaline pumping through us she probably didn’t feel any of the stings.

I couldn’t feel them either.

Something flashed the light in her hand, blinded me for a second. I stumbled. ‘Shit’ I thought. I chased behind her trying to see what it was. A mason jar? I think.

I looked down in my hands, and I was holding the same thing. ‘What are we doing?’ I questioned. ‘What the actual fuck are we doing?’

I was covered in scratches too, but my hair was short and tied up. My clothes were torn but still wearable, not like I had anyone to impress. But I couldn’t seem to understand what we were doing.

I looked around to see where this girl went, just to fumble over her, crashing into the ground. “Ugh” I scraped my knee I can feel the fresh wound blistering over the rest of my scratches. I sat up and saw the girl finding small twigs and leaves to fill her jar. There was a small dot glowing in hers. A firefly?

“Hurry up.” She said without looking at me. “Make yours strong.”

“O-okay.” I responded not knowing what the hell she was talking about. I just followed her lead and filled mine with rocks and dirt as well. But the more I picked up random things to put in the more I actually inspected them and decided to only put the best kinds of rocks and leaves in my jar. My jar only deserved the best.

Soon enough at the bottom of my jar there was a level layer of soil, with small pebbles on top, with a perfect array of colorful leaves and sturdy pieces of twigs. I fastened the top of my jar and got up to run again. I wasn’t sure if anything was chasing us at this point, but I knew I had to run, I had to run away and forward if I wanted the best for myself. I don’t know was is considered to be the best for me, but I knew I had to follow beside the girl and I needed fireflies. I needed four of them.