Used and abused.
Do you not know of any consequence.
Tearing though the mind of a young girl
Grimey and gross, filled with guilt
Did i do this? she questions
“don’t speak” she was told
Her justice never found.
Her story never repeated.
He walks. A clear conscious
While she bears the scars
On her wrists
It’s so scary to like someone, you know wholeheartedly. It’s scary to know there is a person who fits your standards, and to realize your standards weren’t false. It’s scary to think where this could all go. It’s scary to think if this is going to end within a day. It’s scary to try.
After day 1, and after everything that has happened. It’s so weird to meet someone like me but also different. I’m not sure how I feel about him being so similar to me because it’s so strange to say I feel like I like him because he reminds me of me. Isn’t that a little to narcissistic.
I spent four days with this guy and I don’t know how I feel. But somehow I broke down by the second day and told this guy, the first ever male in my life who wasn’t family my deepest darkest secret, that has made me the person I am today. The cynical, distrusting, bitch that I am. One part of me is so glad for the person I have become, but the other always questions what I could have been. After I broke down, so did he. And we both agreed because of the fact we put so much trust and faith into other which we normally wouldn’t have done with someone we barely knew, there had to have been something there. Sunday morning, we were dating, I guess. haha. Neither of us wanted to admit it. But we’re a couple, and I still cringe thinking about it.
But I still for sure know that I’m scared, and probably always will be scared.
Over the Winter Break I somehow found myself re-installing the dreaded tinder app. Yay. I was back in a bigger city and for the first five days I was home, I really wasn’t into meeting with people and talking about how our lives have been. I mean I just spent the last two weeks living in a library studying for finals, it’s not like I’ve been doing much.
But I still went on and still swiped (how much I’m hating myself as I’m writing this) and matched. I don’t really go on to talk to people, I typically do it because I’m bored and wanted to kill time. But that’s a pretty rude thing to say to a person when they are the first to talk. Continue reading