Over.

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Right now I should be studying for my last two finals, but I’d rather talk about how 8 months flew by and my first year is coming to an end.

It is surprising to see that a school year goes by so fast, and there are people who are counting the years left until they graduate. It’s shocking to see that each day and week go by so fast, but when you take a step back and start counting the months and years it feels like forever.

On top of all of this, in roughly 10 days I will also leave my teen years behind me as I turn twenty. That’s a life changer on it’s own. I mean I know that I was a teenager long ago, at least the mentality of one, but now the last remaining part my age that said it for me is going to change too.

I mean a part of me is really glad that I’m ending a decade of my life but the child in me still wants to live. But as the small person that I am, I don’t think I’m ever going to be taken seriously. I remember a woman thought I was 15. She took off 4 years, that my high school life. She basically threw me back to grade 9. I mean woman, I would be glad if I looked this good in grade 9. jeez.

It is clear that when you’re younger you want to look older, but once you get old, your strive for youth.

Anyway the point to this is that I finished the “grade 9” of university. It was hard and brutal I was not prepared for the education portion, I may have failed. God knows. I fell into dark times, the winter here really drains one’s soul. I had to deal with depressing issues with others which I never encountered until this year. But in light of it all I managed to grow even more, and meet new people, made new friends.

And honestly everything and everyone is ever changing, but in this moment I like it.

Trust.

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Since coming to university I really hated all the guys I have met. Not to be rude, but I just feel they are worse than the males I had to deal with in High School.

So over Easter Break, I broke and finally went on Tinder. I know!
But I did it. I only did it with the thought to boost my self esteem since it’s been months since coming to university and I haven’t met ONE decent guy. I just wanted to shallowly judge men for their looks, no harm in that.

And so forth, I swiped. It was actually really fun at first and I probably kept myself entertained for the weekend. For the record I ONLY swiped, I didn’t feel the need to have interactions with these guys. I mean would I really trust someone whom I have never met.

And so, I come back to Uni and of course I got bored and didn’t want to study so I opened up tinder. Though the level of attractiveness severely dropped once coming to uni (Sorry guys).
I walked over to my friend and told her I broke and got Tinder (she’s in a relationship thus she’s not allowed to have tinder lol).

She took my phone and we both had fun judging guys. Until we came across this guy who was REALLY cute, and I mean after soooooo many no’s he was a definite yes. And again, I repeat I never message any of the guys I match with because frankly I just have too much pride for it and I really don’t trust ever meeting with anyone of these guys.
I think it’s a reasonable concern for a five foot girl to go alone to meet a guy I met on the internet….Let’s be real.

We finished up with our Tinder binge and got over it. I never thought much about it until said guy messaged me. It was a really good conversation. He didn’t seem like an asshole and we had a solid conversation about our lives.

This went on for a couple of days, and to be honest there’s only so much that could be said over messaging, plus messaging on Tinder is a bitch.

So I somehow got convinced into meeting this guy in person and I was freaking out.

One: because I’ve never actually gone a first date with someone whom I did not know completely. Because back in high school, you at least know “of” the guy and his reputation.

Two: He could potentially be a serial killer I wouldn’t know, being cute doesn’t validate he’s not. It’s usually the cute ones that are the killers.

He managed to get my number as well (I’m so weak) and we set a date and time. IT WAS THE MOST WEIRDEST THING.
It was strangely awkward. My oddest worry was the I didn’t look as attractive as my pictures.

Nope, it wasn’t “I hope he likes my personality” it was “I hope I’m pretty enough” I mean really? Really?

We went out, got drinks, had food.
Solid conversation, talking to him felt like I was talking to my bestie. Going through multiple topics not realizing how smoothly the subjects were changing.

The place we went was a small cozy looking bar with really high chairs. No complaints.
They had an exquisite bar! There was a stacks of bottles, frankly it looked really gorgeous. An alcoholic’s dream. The place was dimly lit, a small candle on the small table. I give it to him, he picked a good place.

Once we were finally done staying there, because we did take our sweet time. The sun set and the cold spring air came around. Though it was evident to both of us that we didn’t want to stop talking. Which I found to be a real turn on actually. He made me not want to look at my phone, because he never touched his. Even though I didn’t touch mine (out of respect as well) I didn’t want to. I mean why ruin it.

Thus we both decided to go for a walk. And at this point it was already like two and a half hours into the date.
We walked backed to his car, and he grabbed his jacket and we went for a walk. Continued talking and another hour passed and we slowly made it back to his car. We stood there a second and he asked “did you still want to walk?” but it was more so I just wanted to still keep talking to him. We were hitting the four hour mark on this date.
Do dates last that long?

I said, “I still want to walk. Let’s walk on the train tracks and see where it goes” and that’s what we did even at this point we didn’t know what time it was. So we followed the tracks, it led into some pretty creepy places, but I had a six foot guy beside me, was I still worried? Yup. I still was.

We finally turned around a certain point and walked back to the car, hitting the five hour mark on this date. Which surprised us both. He offered to drive me back to my place (because he actually didn’t pick me up from my place. We met at a plaza which was like 15 mins away from where I was)

So I trusted him, he parked the car and offered to walk me to the bottom of my building. And that awkward moment at the very end of all dates, in movies or in real life. It’s always awkward.
He gave me a polite hug and left with a really dorky exit.

The night went well, and I like the guy, but I barely know him, and I find it so bizarre that this is how people do it. Or this is how they relatively do it. I mean this date was nice, but if you got a really weird ass dude that can just throw off everything.

My honest advice is to never use tinder as a way to meet people. Because I don’t trust it and most likely 9/10 guys wouldn’t end well.

Age.

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As I was sitting in the car, worrying about how I have five years of education to get through, after doing five in high school (I took an extra year because I wasn’t ready to grow up), I had to do another five in university.

Then I thought, by the time I’m done, I’ll be 25-26 by the end of my undergraduate. And I’m actually considering doing my Masters as well. So add another two years and there I’ll be 28 and finally done with school. Imagine being 28 and calling yourself a student. Ugh.

I don’t know. I always had a thing for wanting to be young, having no worries etc. It was never my thing to grow up, also probably because I am five feet tall so I already look young. I’m also one of those people who like to do fun things in my life…IN MY PRIME. Not when I’m old and 70, and let’s be real 70-75 is the new retirement age.

I wanna be able to travel the world and see things, explore and shamelessly be a tourist. But I feel like all of us, especially this generation is so consumed to find a job and stay alive, that no one really sees the rest of the world.

A good citizen is someone who spends the first 24 years studying their best, to pay back all the money they borrowed and then some. A good citizen is someone who is healthy and alive to pay taxes to keep the economy going. The sad thing is, we, citizens die, and the economy just keeps going.

We only have barely 100 years to live, and slowly but surely we age and die. So shouldn’t we make the most of it.

No one always stays young.

Settled.

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Yup. It’s settled, I’ve become friends with most people on my floor now, which is amazing. 

I’ve heard others complaining about how terrible their floor has been, how girls don’t have their doors open, or how no one talks to each other. Ours isn’t like that at all, which, my god is amazing. Today we all went to an event together, and even though a friend and I got separated we managed to catch up. We’re also deciding on weekend movie nights/dinners etc.
I’m hoping those who are in harder majors don’t get tooooo busy but, as of right now i’m very content and feel good.  

Packing.

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I’m basically leaving home.

Okay, it may be for university BUT!

1) as a female

AND

2) as a child from a South Asian family

this occurrence does not happen very often, and when it does it’s under great surveillance.

I’m counting down the days of course, and I’m at 9 days left. I feel really excited, obviously, because my freedom levels went from a 3 or a 4 to a 10+++++. I can’t deny that my parents have been pretty chill over the years, even when I screwed up pretty bad. There was a point in time that I thought my mom had no mercy, but I soon realized that was not the case. Though I don’t think she would forgive me if I ever came home with a child when I wasn’t married.

Back to the matter at hand. PACKING.

Damn!

I never really had the experience of packing for more than a week. There are so many different emotions that one goes through. And I think for females it’s just hell. The paranoia of leaving things, the fear of packing too much, the fear of packing too little, thinking of every situation where you might need a certain item…so on so forth.

On top of this misery for me, I’m also in the midst of packing to move houses, so basically I have two separate boxes of clothes, items etc. you know because I wasn’t being tortured already.

So I don’t think the reality has still hit me yet, I am excited I’m leaving but I haven’t grasped the fact that everything will be different and continue to stay different for the next 5 years of my life. And that it’s basically a new start. There’s no running back home because you’re scared or can’t handle the pressure.

There are moments where I wish I can go back to being four, then there are moments where I’m glad the age I am.