Options.

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So while I was back home for the weekend, we had girl’s night.
We were going out for a friend’s birthday. The thing was none of us could figure out what to do. We knew we didn’t want to go clubbing and we did like the idea of a bar, but then dinner was the issue.
To have dinner before a bar, or to eat at the first bar. Then, hold up, which bar are we going to? That in itself was a dilemma.

So we finally came to a consensus. We were going to eat at the first bar, near a particular subway station because it had a lot of bars nearby. Which goes into the fact that we were barhopping that night.

I thought bartenders hitting on you was a very movie-esque thing to happen. But apparently it does happen in real life and it took me by surprise. Especially for someone in a relationship, you just tend to think that you won’t get hit on anymore.

So there we were in the first bar of the night. It was a very odd day, the weather was gloomy but there was enough sun out to keep the skies bright while there was a spattering of rain. People were very confused whether to use umbrellas or not.
We walk in; the bar was relatively empty at this point. But you can see it slowly picking up its pace. Since it wasn’t too busy yet, the bartender has to come and wait us as well. He starts off and I slowly realized he’s very sarcastic and sassy. Which is given that I love.

For a glimpse my mind was totally swimming in the thought of unfamiliarity. I always preferred to have sense of closeness to a person before I slept with them. I especially don’t want to ever get drunk to the point that a guy I’m not into when sober, but I somehow sleep with him and obviously regret it. But this guy’s charm got to me, and I was tipsy enough to talk more but still sober enough to get flustered. Then the more he charmed me, I was just sitting there in this bar stool and he put his hand on my shoulder and my body just got chills.

This was different from dancing with someone at a club. You’re so caught into the music and dance that any touch means absolutely nothing. Because you’re touching everyone! You have to stop people from touching too much. Haha.

So my mind raced and it just imagined his hands on my bare skin. My waist. My neck, holding my cheek, going for a kiss. And he has those rocker hands, where they have rough fingers. And you can feel it while his hands moves over you. I’m so used to weightlifting hands where the roughness around the palm. He was the perfect height to kiss without being on my toes, and close enough to feel his scruff. His body lean with a good amount of muscle. He wore his brown curly hair in a bun with sunglasses acting like a head band. His brown eyes with his baby face hidden under an effortless beard. That rushing sense of exciting and new gets me bothered for a bit. I wonder how it would be to get with a guitar player (which he is) also in a band. He did elude a very band like sense of style.

Ugh. Long story short haha. It is nice to think about how it might be to explore other options, because the world is vast, and we are all curious at least I know I am. But it is also smart to be happy with what you have already which I am very grateful for despite all the hard work that it entails. It is a lot of emotional pressure, and mental stress but through it all I know I am happy even though I don’t feel it constantly.

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Birthday >< Sex

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For someone who had a light bet with her bestie for “the least amount of sexual relations” I just broke it and started losing.

Fucking Tinder Guy somehow got me to have birthday sex! I mean why the hell didn’t I do this with my own boyfriend!

The worst thing is, I was with my bestie drinking before he came, and she clearly asked

When are you going to have sex with “Tinder Guy”?
In like three months?

When she asked me, it seemed right to say yea that seems about right.

Then two hours later, there I am riding this giant of a man. I mean why the hell did I stop. It’s been so long I forgot how good it was.

Though I do feel bad for my roommates, I moved in less than 3 hours and I’m already christening my bed.
I do feel A LITTLE ashamed, because it’s literally the third date. And a couple weeks ago I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and Miranda was freaking out because she was just about to have her third date and the third date is “sex date” and she was determined not to have it. I always related to Miranda, except for this moment. I’m sorry Miranda I let you down.

Birthday sex was good though, and I’m glad I was prepared for it. But now that sex is in play how do I get to know more about this guy?

I revise my previous statement. Adulthood is damn well pleasant.

Over.

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Right now I should be studying for my last two finals, but I’d rather talk about how 8 months flew by and my first year is coming to an end.

It is surprising to see that a school year goes by so fast, and there are people who are counting the years left until they graduate. It’s shocking to see that each day and week go by so fast, but when you take a step back and start counting the months and years it feels like forever.

On top of all of this, in roughly 10 days I will also leave my teen years behind me as I turn twenty. That’s a life changer on it’s own. I mean I know that I was a teenager long ago, at least the mentality of one, but now the last remaining part my age that said it for me is going to change too.

I mean a part of me is really glad that I’m ending a decade of my life but the child in me still wants to live. But as the small person that I am, I don’t think I’m ever going to be taken seriously. I remember a woman thought I was 15. She took off 4 years, that my high school life. She basically threw me back to grade 9. I mean woman, I would be glad if I looked this good in grade 9. jeez.

It is clear that when you’re younger you want to look older, but once you get old, your strive for youth.

Anyway the point to this is that I finished the “grade 9” of university. It was hard and brutal I was not prepared for the education portion, I may have failed. God knows. I fell into dark times, the winter here really drains one’s soul. I had to deal with depressing issues with others which I never encountered until this year. But in light of it all I managed to grow even more, and meet new people, made new friends.

And honestly everything and everyone is ever changing, but in this moment I like it.