Ugh.

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Okay straight up. It’s been weeeeeks since the incident with Tinder Guy. And then afterwards I have yet to see him. Oh but don’t worry! We’ve still been texting…until his phone fucked up. Too coincidental?

So for the first week we were messaging back on tinder again very sporadically. Which was whatever too me because the first week he was busy doing things with his friends for his birthday and he offered to squeeze in an hour but I turned him down. Who ever wants to be squeezed in. Jeez.

Then second week. Anime north. Okay let that go too. I think at this point he actually got a phone so we went back to texting. BUT. His texting was still as shit as Tinder messaging. So fuck me right? Right.

Now its like the third week of not seeing him and I tried to be nonchalant and not bring up seeing each other but I couldn’t keep talking to this if this wasn’t moving forward. Why waste the time. And so I just finally asked “hey will I ever see you?” Then after a couple days of waiting I get back a message bitching about how his phone sucks, and he doesn’t reply much. Okay sure. He also replies “Yes you will see me”

No answer to when or where but Yes that’s it. The topic switches to the current what are you doing shit. Maybe two days of just normal conversation when I mention that I’ll be around his area on the Friday. He goes, “what really, I’m working all day and I have work the next day too”
And this is where I kind of snap and say “When am I going to see you? I may be in your area again on Tuesday for dinner(this was my salvage message) and lastly “but you’re so damn busy. I give up.” And he says that working two jobs in taxing. I understand my Father is in the same line of work. I see this everyday BUT some effort would be nice. Or at least verbal affirmation of ‘hey kind of busy this week with work, maybe something next week’ Isn’t that better than absolutely nothing.

I just agreed with him and then for some stupid reason I decided to text the next day (the Saturday) if he was busy next week. It’s been 5 days with no reply. So I officially give up. Because what more can one do when they have too much pride and doesn’t want to risk anymore.

Lost.

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After multiple days of failed attempts at packing. Then when the D-day of packing days arrive, I end up with some sort of stomach flu which thrown me into a forced slumber (so that I can sleep through the pain) for two days. So finally the last day before I go, the Sunday, was a headless chicken type of thrown together kind of pack.
Which I’m amazed since I got most of my belongings.

This brings me to now.

I don’t know what to do with myself now. I am finally in University…By myself and I feel very clueless of how to make myself productive. And since the first years have to have an orientation week, it’s not like I can start school right away. I don’t think I;m complaining but I’m not sure.
So far the first day has been rewarding but still slightly lonely. Though there are so many connections with other people, it is all still surface questions,

What’s your name/program?/Faculty?/ etc.

and even if they can spare you a bit of their time, there isn’t much to learn to bond for the next four to five years. I personally think it’s even harder to make friends on the same floor, maybe it’s me being me. The odd sensation that I truly am alone now, even though there are more than thousands of students surrounding me.

Even if I am relatively sociable, a huge part of me wants sleep in, miss all the events, eat shitty food and binge watch shows that I have yet to watch. Count down the days until school starts and go from there. And yes, I know, terrible idea; I should get out there and make friends, WHICH IS HARD. Though easy to grab numbers and make empty plans, I find it’s hard to find a genuine friend that will last a lifetime.

 

Therefore, summing today I am still lost.