Damn.

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This is coming from a short brown girl. Who’s believed her whole life that no Asian man of any sort would find a brown girl attractive.
I may be delusional or perhaps drunk (let’s be real that’s when these things happen) but tonight has been the second night in uni that an Asian guy has willingly made-out with me.

Though I think tonight would’ve gone further IF I have let it, but I didn’t.

I don’t know, I’m a girl who comes from Toronto, the most multicultural city in Toronto and I’m still having a hard trim adjusting to the fact that I can be liked by other ethnicity. I’m not sure if that is racist, because I am down playing myself here, but it is mind boggling that I do appeal to men.

Food for thought I guess.

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Sick.

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Another thing I realized when living alone. The thing I was fearing.

Becoming sick, when you’re by yourself.

You’re bedridden and you can’t get up, you’re hot, sweaty, eyes tearing, head pounding and you still have to get up in the morning to make yourself a cup of tea. I basically spent the last two days rolling around in bed because I couldn’t do it myself.

If it wasn’t for my floormates I think I would’ve camped out in my room, with chips and hot water. I got food without leaving my room, warm honey water, and lotion, soft tissues.

Even though I still feel pretty bad, and miss having my mother take care of me, I think this is another milestone that one has to cross as they grow up. Who wants to be under their mother’s/father’s wing, and who really is going to run home the moment they get the sniffles.

My mother called and asked how I was, and mocked me if I wanted to come home, and when I said no, she said good, if you’re gonna be on your own, you have to do it right. (though she did keep texting/calling to see how I was.)
I’m sure it’s much harder on them then it is for me. But at the end of the day, you have to get up and take care of yourself.

Home?

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For the past two week I’ve been calling my 2×3 room “home”. 
Force of habit? I don’t know. Does it really only take a person 14 days to call a new place home?

To me it feels really weird right now to be sitting in my own bed, though it is exceptionally more comfy than my other bed. And the room is much more spacious and not to say SO much warmer. 

As of right now I’m not sure which is home to me..

Lost.

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After multiple days of failed attempts at packing. Then when the D-day of packing days arrive, I end up with some sort of stomach flu which thrown me into a forced slumber (so that I can sleep through the pain) for two days. So finally the last day before I go, the Sunday, was a headless chicken type of thrown together kind of pack.
Which I’m amazed since I got most of my belongings.

This brings me to now.

I don’t know what to do with myself now. I am finally in University…By myself and I feel very clueless of how to make myself productive. And since the first years have to have an orientation week, it’s not like I can start school right away. I don’t think I;m complaining but I’m not sure.
So far the first day has been rewarding but still slightly lonely. Though there are so many connections with other people, it is all still surface questions,

What’s your name/program?/Faculty?/ etc.

and even if they can spare you a bit of their time, there isn’t much to learn to bond for the next four to five years. I personally think it’s even harder to make friends on the same floor, maybe it’s me being me. The odd sensation that I truly am alone now, even though there are more than thousands of students surrounding me.

Even if I am relatively sociable, a huge part of me wants sleep in, miss all the events, eat shitty food and binge watch shows that I have yet to watch. Count down the days until school starts and go from there. And yes, I know, terrible idea; I should get out there and make friends, WHICH IS HARD. Though easy to grab numbers and make empty plans, I find it’s hard to find a genuine friend that will last a lifetime.

 

Therefore, summing today I am still lost.