Doubts : Good or Bad

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Is it bad to have doubts?

I’m acting liked a scorned woman and the thing is, I have never been scorned before (by a man). But here I am, second guessing everything and not wanting to actually like this guy.

My mind is literally split into two.

One side is saying

“Yea, he likes you”

And the other side is saying

“How are you so sure? What if his end goal was sex? He’s already got that. What more is there? A relationship? Hah.”

Which I have to admit is true. Sex is the epitome of what people want. I mean relationships are meant for the emotional connection, but let’s be real. Sex is good, and if you can have it, why deny it?

BUT. That’s also why the tip is to not give it up until both parties are relatively invested. I can’t say I regret anything, because for the moment it was good. And I’ve learned to not expect much from the get go, it’s the easiest way to be disappointed, but it’s also the easiest way to lose one’s sense of romance. I wish there was a perfect blend of looking through rose tinted glasses and live that fairy-tale life, but also have your expectations and desires in check. That would make life way too easy.

Anyways, the last time I saw Tinder guy was on my birthday, so it’s been almost two weeks soon. CONVINIENTLY his phone is working so we now resorted to messaging on tinder again, and SUPPOSEDLY his work schedule is all fucked up and he’s endlessly busy.

But the thing is were still talking though it has died down considerably since the switch, but he wanted to see me tonight quick before he left for his birthday thing, but I turned it down since I was going to go out and to me there is no point to squish in a meet up. We’re not meeting up to talk about some business project, we see each other for the company, so why rush it? Just so he can say he saw my face?

I’m not mad though, I think I lost my nerves and the sense of “do I care” I mean I still like the guy. But I feel like I didn’t see him enough times to be so invested that if this fell apart I’m not going to be too hurt. Does that make me seem heartless? $:

I understand that because I was also consensual to the sex I can’t be mad that he “took” that from me. I can’t be pissed at him if his phone broke, and I can’t be upset if he’s busy with work and ends late, I’m a student and he’s not. It’s just the circumstances that we’re in. I want to say that I’m understanding but I’m questioning if I truly am understanding or if I already gave up.

~ Cheers Guys.

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John Doe.

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First off, there are far too many titles for this post.
Saturday night was both pleasant and hell for me.

By this point in the day I don’t think I even remember anything of what happened last night. I do know that after getting two of my girls back to our floor I had a great time.

So, to start:

4/6 girls wanted to get, and quote shitfaced

and from the moment they said they wanted to do that, I knew. I knew it was going to get bad.

So they all had their shots, one too many in my opinion. One girl’s friends came which were three other guys and another girl, though she really didn’t seem to fit the “partying” look. Anyways one of the girls on my floor ended up going with them to look for a party and that was the end of that because we lost her to them.

We didn’t really trust those guys who came so we stayed back, but by the time we we to go get her too, they already left.

By this point there was me, my friend (who was well buzzed), and girl drunk and missing her ex boyfriend in another country, and a really drunk couple. God help me.

We decided well we got drunk tonight, were gonna find a party to. Which didn’t go so well since we didn’t even make it on to the main roads.

After some 1 2 3’s, and bloody knees, we made it to the last building before that rapture began. 

Me and my friend took everyone inside the building just so people can freshen up, become a little less drunk but that didn’t work. Eventually the boyfriend of the couple and the lonely girl started to hurl, and the girlfriend was walking about aimlessly. She on the other hand though, normally is quite monotone and harsh, but after being intoxicated she becomes so nice and loving. It was quite a sight.
After I took care of the boyfriend, and my friend took care of the girls we decided to head back to our floor, since the tears started to roll in. The lonely girl wanted to call her ex and because he didn’t pick up she started to wallow. Seeing her get all upset, the girlfriend started to cry for her.
After that, we all decided it was best to head home.

Once me and my partner in crime finally took the girls and the boyfriend back to our floor. We ran.

Finally we can talk about how I met John Doe.

So we basically ran down the street roughly at 11:30pm for 20 minutes. Yes. 20 minutes and drunk while at it. JUST BECAUSE supposedly there was this really cute white boy there and he was going to leave at any minute. When we finally got there I was too floored to see my friend that I disregarded the friend that I came with and the supposedly cute why boy.

Right after I came my friend pulled me aside just to tell me not to make out with this guy because he was such a douche bag. But of course I listened; and the moment I stepped out of the bathroom (all serious girl talks happen in the bathroom) there’s four more guys walking around in the living room.

After doing some quick intros around the room, I met everyone, the supposedly cute white guy, his gay friend, the four other guys from the building as well.

Then there was the splashes of beer in cups, and my team losing. John Doe and I lost  our game. The punishment: the naked run. John Doe being a sweetheart got a replacement for me, even though I didn’t mind.

More shots, and talk, sitting on laps, and eating cake. Being lifted to the sky, touching the ceiling tops, hide outs in bathrooms, and a good bye kiss.

He became too drunk and fell asleep in his room. Some while later when he came out I said my goodbye. He leaned in for the kiss and yes. We kissed.

I stayed the night, a floor above him, while my friend/partner in crime walked back home. She did have a friend who walked her back, 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back.

A guy who liked me from six months ago, apparently still liked me; and yes he was at the party. I saw him as a friend.
Maybe the alcohol opened him to a stranger, but he told he needed to walk my friend home just so he can get away.
Though I feel bad, nothing happened and six months did pass.

John Doe, I gave him my number, but I’m quite sure that I entered it in wrong. Sadly not on purpose.

So the two options of the night. 
1. He liked me and texted me and it went to no one. 
2. He didn’t like me and chose not to text me 

Sadly, I will not know.