Regrets. Regrets. Regrets.

Standard

Clearly it’s been just a shitty week. After everything that has happened. I had to go and get drunk on a Monday night and officially have my one night stand. Sorry bestie, didn’t know it was going to happen, so I couldn’t bring my “One Night Stand Kit” with me.

I actually was suppose to go out with my bestie to grab dinner (In Tinder Guy’s area) since it’s a little out of town. But turns out the place is fucking closed on Mondays. Just why. Why?

So we decide to grab wings and beer because we were starving. We sit down, and it was a good time. Though me and my bestie take forever to leave since we sit there and talk. So the exceptionally close table beside us of two males finally leave and they bring in the next two customers. Which happens to be my friend’s EX BOYFRIEND with his FIRST DATE.

Let me repeat. He was having his first date with his ex girlfriend sitting LESS THAN A METER AWAY FROM HIM. I died. My bestie hated me for the rest of the night. We got snippets of their conversation, which was terribleehh by the way. But none the less a good pick me up.

So after dinner my bestie runs home to study for her mid-terms and since I have a much easier load I had nothing to worry about. And so I think it’s a great idea to message this guy I knew for a day to go out with me. Why? You ask. I do not know. Fuck I wish I knew.

And thus I go over to his place, drink some more. Head to the club, drink so more. Puke a little because I clearly drank too much. Head back to my place, where we couldn’t fuck because no one had a condom. Yay. Since my clothes were already off, I decided to throw on my trench over my bare body and shove all the clothes I would’ve needed for the morning of, in a bag and we walk over to his place. Obviously there, he couldn’t launch his rocket.

So somehow in my right mind, instead of leaving I just slept at his place. Again don’t ask me why I thought this was okay. Then first thing I get waken up to is this guy beside me, trying to turn me on. Let’s just say he does, 1 minute for that, 10 seconds to grab the condom and put it on, another minute for the deed to be done and bam. Done. He got up and ran off to the bathroom while I had some time to question what the fuck I just did.

I got up and did what I had to do and literally threw on my coat again and tried to say the easiest thing I could possibly say to get out of there. And even now I’m sighing with regret.

Advertisements

Doubts : Good or Bad

Standard

Is it bad to have doubts?

I’m acting liked a scorned woman and the thing is, I have never been scorned before (by a man). But here I am, second guessing everything and not wanting to actually like this guy.

My mind is literally split into two.

One side is saying

“Yea, he likes you”

And the other side is saying

“How are you so sure? What if his end goal was sex? He’s already got that. What more is there? A relationship? Hah.”

Which I have to admit is true. Sex is the epitome of what people want. I mean relationships are meant for the emotional connection, but let’s be real. Sex is good, and if you can have it, why deny it?

BUT. That’s also why the tip is to not give it up until both parties are relatively invested. I can’t say I regret anything, because for the moment it was good. And I’ve learned to not expect much from the get go, it’s the easiest way to be disappointed, but it’s also the easiest way to lose one’s sense of romance. I wish there was a perfect blend of looking through rose tinted glasses and live that fairy-tale life, but also have your expectations and desires in check. That would make life way too easy.

Anyways, the last time I saw Tinder guy was on my birthday, so it’s been almost two weeks soon. CONVINIENTLY his phone is working so we now resorted to messaging on tinder again, and SUPPOSEDLY his work schedule is all fucked up and he’s endlessly busy.

But the thing is were still talking though it has died down considerably since the switch, but he wanted to see me tonight quick before he left for his birthday thing, but I turned it down since I was going to go out and to me there is no point to squish in a meet up. We’re not meeting up to talk about some business project, we see each other for the company, so why rush it? Just so he can say he saw my face?

I’m not mad though, I think I lost my nerves and the sense of “do I care” I mean I still like the guy. But I feel like I didn’t see him enough times to be so invested that if this fell apart I’m not going to be too hurt. Does that make me seem heartless? $:

I understand that because I was also consensual to the sex I can’t be mad that he “took” that from me. I can’t be pissed at him if his phone broke, and I can’t be upset if he’s busy with work and ends late, I’m a student and he’s not. It’s just the circumstances that we’re in. I want to say that I’m understanding but I’m questioning if I truly am understanding or if I already gave up.

~ Cheers Guys.

Birthday >< Sex

Standard

For someone who had a light bet with her bestie for “the least amount of sexual relations” I just broke it and started losing.

Fucking Tinder Guy somehow got me to have birthday sex! I mean why the hell didn’t I do this with my own boyfriend!

The worst thing is, I was with my bestie drinking before he came, and she clearly asked

When are you going to have sex with “Tinder Guy”?
In like three months?

When she asked me, it seemed right to say yea that seems about right.

Then two hours later, there I am riding this giant of a man. I mean why the hell did I stop. It’s been so long I forgot how good it was.

Though I do feel bad for my roommates, I moved in less than 3 hours and I’m already christening my bed.
I do feel A LITTLE ashamed, because it’s literally the third date. And a couple weeks ago I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and Miranda was freaking out because she was just about to have her third date and the third date is “sex date” and she was determined not to have it. I always related to Miranda, except for this moment. I’m sorry Miranda I let you down.

Birthday sex was good though, and I’m glad I was prepared for it. But now that sex is in play how do I get to know more about this guy?

I revise my previous statement. Adulthood is damn well pleasant.

No regrets…But

Standard

Based on the previous post also being sobered up now. (I also can not believe that I was able to make a full post whilst drunk without any typos either).

But back to the matter at hand. I ended up making out with a guy, no big deal, but, turns out he was the roommate of the guy I genuinely wanted to meet. So there you go, I’ve made a name for myself.

In all honesty, I really don’t care of what others think, nor do I think that making out with someone at a party is even a rumor worthy event. But turns out if two people were to go into a room and make out no one would think of the situation like that.

Which is why I’m kind of glad, for me it happened on a kitchen counter in a corner. Though would have I done it again, no.
I was placed into that position a little because of my inability to say no. I am not blaming the guy, nor myself, but I was pretty tipsy and single plus he was cute, but just a douchebag. But when he did ask “come back to my place” I stayed firm and said no.

I did say yes, to tomorrow, but let’s be real, he wanted to hear it, so I said it. Overall I never realized how hard it was to say a POLITE no. I mean you could smack the guy in the face with the word no and tell them to basically fuck off. But I don’t want to embarrass them either, AT THE SAME TIME, guys get the hint!

We are trying to subtly tell you no, so that neither of us gets embarrassed and have to face that issue for the rest of the party. AND I don’t get this, why  must guys, WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW THE OTHER GUY PERSONALLY still want them to hit homerun with a chick. Like my friend wanted to get me out of that situation but when she tried, a couple guys were like “don’t cockblock them” even though I sent her a “hey, come save me” text.

I’m not sure how the “bro code” works for you guys, but please don’t stop a girl from helping another girl out if that’s what she wants. Because that’s girl code for us.