Plates.

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This semester has been the most difficult semester of my 2 years here. I have been so scattered brained, and lost, and confused on what I have to do. Even though I spent all of last semester working on my study, time and organizational skills, and yet here I am lost as ever.

Though after looking at my schedule over the winter break I told myself that I was going to start working out again. Though it was more going to be cardio based, and to do insanity which is what I used to do. But after getting so overwhelming stressed, and the urge to squat properly I accompanied my friend to the gym (which I am also scared shitless to go alone since I am a tiny person I just feel even small at the gym).

After pushing myself so hard, which in the beginning I thought I can only do 90lbs total, meaning the bar is  45lb and putting roughly 20-25lbs on each side. Which is nothing to how much I ended up doing. Which within two weeks was 45lb bar with a plate (45lb) on each side which is a total of 135lb total. Never in my life did I think I could manage that.

And from the start of February I have been going at least two to three times a week, and have been doing insanity at home. And I’ve gotten back to working out 5 days a week, which makes me so happy, since it de-stresses me so much, and having a long term goal, and having many short term goals that aren’t school related is so relieving on the soul.

For me, my three goals are to hit by the end of the semester

2 plate deadlifts
2 plate squats
and 300lbs on leg press

Crumbling.

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In life we all have our moments.

The breaking point. 

I feel it is more severe in students then it is in any other age. I could be wrong since I am the age I am. I know there is such a thing called “mid life crisis” and I know inevitably I will suffer from it. But I’m beginning to realize why in movies kids commit suicide because of the pressure of university/college. It is overwhelming, no one is ever prepared for such a life switch, especially if you’re living away from home!

Personally it pisses me off to see people here doing so well, adapting so fast, adjusting like water. While I’m over here with my head barely above water. Then I run into people who just can’t keep their shit together, OR breakdown so quickly.

For example, one of my floor mates broke into tears, and let me say it was not her first time bawling her eyes it, (probably her 4th time crying since she got here). She was hicking, and shaking because she missed her deadline time by minutes. She finished her essay before but just waited to submit it later. By handing it late she lost 5%, I understand that it may be a lot, though she did first say it was 15% then acted like she wasn’t EXAGGERATING. But in any case I feel like if it were me in her situation I’ve would’ve looked at the time stamp said “oh…shit” then send my prof an email saying,

“hey, I’m sorry I missed the time by 5 minutes, I had the essay finished before but I just wanted to look it over, is there a possibility that I won’t be penalized?”

or at least something like that. I am her friend and I am suppose to her her support and tell her everything is alright, but at the same time, it was her fault to not stare at the time stamp given especially when they are so abnormal.
Hey, I’ve missed a couple participation classes, just because, what can you do? There are days were you are so tired you end up oversleeping, or you forgot to write it down. What can you do about it?

Back to point, I feel like I am so calm about everything turning to shits, that eventually when everything ends up piling up I break down and crumble. Or I end up over worrying about something then freak out about it.

Well I have yet to reach my “Crumbling down & withering away” point but when I do. You shall know.