This Again?

Standard

Oh how the tinder world is so bizarre.

Over the Winter Break I somehow found myself re-installing the dreaded tinder app. Yay. I was back in a bigger city and for the first five days I was home, I really wasn’t into meeting with people and talking about how our lives have been. I mean I just spent the last two weeks living in a library studying for finals, it’s not like I’ve been doing much.

But I still went on and still swiped (how much I’m hating myself as I’m writing this) and matched. I don’t really go on to talk to people, I typically do it because I’m bored and wanted to kill time. But that’s a pretty rude thing to say to a person when they are the first to talk.  Continue reading

Advertisements

Drift.

Standard

Here I am freaking out typing this after meeting the best guy who just clicks with me in my home town and I’m going off to school in literally four days.

And he literally is the best guy I met after stupid guy with his ex. Ugh.

I mean we always say that were not gonna go all out for a guy, or just didn’t feel like you clicked with them. Then you meet the guy who does get you and by the time you realized you really really do like him. It’s too late, and all you can say is “fuck”

Now I’m legitimately considering if I like this guy a lot or if I did like the past guys to the extent I like this guy but I just got over it.

Is there anyone who gives it their all or at least like 70% in the first few months and then just drifts away? This is legitimately me I can’t even handle myself sometimes.

A T(ex)t.

Standard

Finally receiving a text after a week was the result of the unannounced presence of Tinder guy’s ex girlfriend. He decided to not voice what the hell was happening in his life.

Which obviously boosted my ego.
Fucker.

So finally he apologized for not saying anything, told me it wasn’t my fault, doesn’t know what is happening in his life, doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t want to see anyone, BUT he did ask for coffee. That’s a plus. Right? (The angry sarcasm is very real today)

So I accepted the coffee invite, I mean what else am I suppose to say. I genuinely hate being held in the dark and FINALLY he’s owning up to the shit that’s happening in his life. Good.

I do have to say I am a little upset, I’ve come to accept the fact that I don’t like guys

1. who are my age 
&
2. who are attending school

Great rules right. Ugh. Anyways I don’t think I even have to mention that I hate his ex. Well strongly dislike her. But when the coffee date is set it’s basically goodbye.

I can rant for so much longer but I’m legit trying to just get over this at this point already. 

Ugh.

Standard

Okay straight up. It’s been weeeeeks since the incident with Tinder Guy. And then afterwards I have yet to see him. Oh but don’t worry! We’ve still been texting…until his phone fucked up. Too coincidental?

So for the first week we were messaging back on tinder again very sporadically. Which was whatever too me because the first week he was busy doing things with his friends for his birthday and he offered to squeeze in an hour but I turned him down. Who ever wants to be squeezed in. Jeez.

Then second week. Anime north. Okay let that go too. I think at this point he actually got a phone so we went back to texting. BUT. His texting was still as shit as Tinder messaging. So fuck me right? Right.

Now its like the third week of not seeing him and I tried to be nonchalant and not bring up seeing each other but I couldn’t keep talking to this if this wasn’t moving forward. Why waste the time. And so I just finally asked “hey will I ever see you?” Then after a couple days of waiting I get back a message bitching about how his phone sucks, and he doesn’t reply much. Okay sure. He also replies “Yes you will see me”

No answer to when or where but Yes that’s it. The topic switches to the current what are you doing shit. Maybe two days of just normal conversation when I mention that I’ll be around his area on the Friday. He goes, “what really, I’m working all day and I have work the next day too”
And this is where I kind of snap and say “When am I going to see you? I may be in your area again on Tuesday for dinner(this was my salvage message) and lastly “but you’re so damn busy. I give up.” And he says that working two jobs in taxing. I understand my Father is in the same line of work. I see this everyday BUT some effort would be nice. Or at least verbal affirmation of ‘hey kind of busy this week with work, maybe something next week’ Isn’t that better than absolutely nothing.

I just agreed with him and then for some stupid reason I decided to text the next day (the Saturday) if he was busy next week. It’s been 5 days with no reply. So I officially give up. Because what more can one do when they have too much pride and doesn’t want to risk anymore.

Doubts : Good or Bad

Standard

Is it bad to have doubts?

I’m acting liked a scorned woman and the thing is, I have never been scorned before (by a man). But here I am, second guessing everything and not wanting to actually like this guy.

My mind is literally split into two.

One side is saying

“Yea, he likes you”

And the other side is saying

“How are you so sure? What if his end goal was sex? He’s already got that. What more is there? A relationship? Hah.”

Which I have to admit is true. Sex is the epitome of what people want. I mean relationships are meant for the emotional connection, but let’s be real. Sex is good, and if you can have it, why deny it?

BUT. That’s also why the tip is to not give it up until both parties are relatively invested. I can’t say I regret anything, because for the moment it was good. And I’ve learned to not expect much from the get go, it’s the easiest way to be disappointed, but it’s also the easiest way to lose one’s sense of romance. I wish there was a perfect blend of looking through rose tinted glasses and live that fairy-tale life, but also have your expectations and desires in check. That would make life way too easy.

Anyways, the last time I saw Tinder guy was on my birthday, so it’s been almost two weeks soon. CONVINIENTLY his phone is working so we now resorted to messaging on tinder again, and SUPPOSEDLY his work schedule is all fucked up and he’s endlessly busy.

But the thing is were still talking though it has died down considerably since the switch, but he wanted to see me tonight quick before he left for his birthday thing, but I turned it down since I was going to go out and to me there is no point to squish in a meet up. We’re not meeting up to talk about some business project, we see each other for the company, so why rush it? Just so he can say he saw my face?

I’m not mad though, I think I lost my nerves and the sense of “do I care” I mean I still like the guy. But I feel like I didn’t see him enough times to be so invested that if this fell apart I’m not going to be too hurt. Does that make me seem heartless? $:

I understand that because I was also consensual to the sex I can’t be mad that he “took” that from me. I can’t be pissed at him if his phone broke, and I can’t be upset if he’s busy with work and ends late, I’m a student and he’s not. It’s just the circumstances that we’re in. I want to say that I’m understanding but I’m questioning if I truly am understanding or if I already gave up.

~ Cheers Guys.

Trust.

Standard

Since coming to university I really hated all the guys I have met. Not to be rude, but I just feel they are worse than the males I had to deal with in High School.

So over Easter Break, I broke and finally went on Tinder. I know!
But I did it. I only did it with the thought to boost my self esteem since it’s been months since coming to university and I haven’t met ONE decent guy. I just wanted to shallowly judge men for their looks, no harm in that.

And so forth, I swiped. It was actually really fun at first and I probably kept myself entertained for the weekend. For the record I ONLY swiped, I didn’t feel the need to have interactions with these guys. I mean would I really trust someone whom I have never met.

And so, I come back to Uni and of course I got bored and didn’t want to study so I opened up tinder. Though the level of attractiveness severely dropped once coming to uni (Sorry guys).
I walked over to my friend and told her I broke and got Tinder (she’s in a relationship thus she’s not allowed to have tinder lol).

She took my phone and we both had fun judging guys. Until we came across this guy who was REALLY cute, and I mean after soooooo many no’s he was a definite yes. And again, I repeat I never message any of the guys I match with because frankly I just have too much pride for it and I really don’t trust ever meeting with anyone of these guys.
I think it’s a reasonable concern for a five foot girl to go alone to meet a guy I met on the internet….Let’s be real.

We finished up with our Tinder binge and got over it. I never thought much about it until said guy messaged me. It was a really good conversation. He didn’t seem like an asshole and we had a solid conversation about our lives.

This went on for a couple of days, and to be honest there’s only so much that could be said over messaging, plus messaging on Tinder is a bitch.

So I somehow got convinced into meeting this guy in person and I was freaking out.

One: because I’ve never actually gone a first date with someone whom I did not know completely. Because back in high school, you at least know “of” the guy and his reputation.

Two: He could potentially be a serial killer I wouldn’t know, being cute doesn’t validate he’s not. It’s usually the cute ones that are the killers.

He managed to get my number as well (I’m so weak) and we set a date and time. IT WAS THE MOST WEIRDEST THING.
It was strangely awkward. My oddest worry was the I didn’t look as attractive as my pictures.

Nope, it wasn’t “I hope he likes my personality” it was “I hope I’m pretty enough” I mean really? Really?

We went out, got drinks, had food.
Solid conversation, talking to him felt like I was talking to my bestie. Going through multiple topics not realizing how smoothly the subjects were changing.

The place we went was a small cozy looking bar with really high chairs. No complaints.
They had an exquisite bar! There was a stacks of bottles, frankly it looked really gorgeous. An alcoholic’s dream. The place was dimly lit, a small candle on the small table. I give it to him, he picked a good place.

Once we were finally done staying there, because we did take our sweet time. The sun set and the cold spring air came around. Though it was evident to both of us that we didn’t want to stop talking. Which I found to be a real turn on actually. He made me not want to look at my phone, because he never touched his. Even though I didn’t touch mine (out of respect as well) I didn’t want to. I mean why ruin it.

Thus we both decided to go for a walk. And at this point it was already like two and a half hours into the date.
We walked backed to his car, and he grabbed his jacket and we went for a walk. Continued talking and another hour passed and we slowly made it back to his car. We stood there a second and he asked “did you still want to walk?” but it was more so I just wanted to still keep talking to him. We were hitting the four hour mark on this date.
Do dates last that long?

I said, “I still want to walk. Let’s walk on the train tracks and see where it goes” and that’s what we did even at this point we didn’t know what time it was. So we followed the tracks, it led into some pretty creepy places, but I had a six foot guy beside me, was I still worried? Yup. I still was.

We finally turned around a certain point and walked back to the car, hitting the five hour mark on this date. Which surprised us both. He offered to drive me back to my place (because he actually didn’t pick me up from my place. We met at a plaza which was like 15 mins away from where I was)

So I trusted him, he parked the car and offered to walk me to the bottom of my building. And that awkward moment at the very end of all dates, in movies or in real life. It’s always awkward.
He gave me a polite hug and left with a really dorky exit.

The night went well, and I like the guy, but I barely know him, and I find it so bizarre that this is how people do it. Or this is how they relatively do it. I mean this date was nice, but if you got a really weird ass dude that can just throw off everything.

My honest advice is to never use tinder as a way to meet people. Because I don’t trust it and most likely 9/10 guys wouldn’t end well.