Wish to be me

When I cry I feel like the world doesn’t exist.

I’m in a vacuum of my own emotions, speaking to myself

the words I choose to say vary between how I feel about myself.

Victim

Failure

Resilient

Ever-growing

Evolving

Changing.

I think we are constantly changing, every experience shifts us.

We learn, and grow and adapt to new ways.

But I realized, for a long time I was adapting to survive, to blend in, to pass on by not being noticed, not stirring trouble.

I wonder why that was.

Trauma, I know why.

But I choose not to. Not anymore.

I want to take up space, I want to hear the echoes of my voice, I want to see the color drip from my fingers, the vibrations of the plates beneath my feet. Feel the healing glow from the past to the now.

I want to sit in my emotions, feel it with my soul, whether I cry or laugh, I want to be present with who I am. And who I am becoming.

I wish to be me, wholly.